let's get real, people... Part I

DISCLAIMER: this blog is not for the faint of heart. this may include any single or married persons without children that have very steadfast, control-freaked and/or positive-"jesus-is-on-my-side" mindsets of what childbearing or child rearing will be like.

i might have to make this into two blogs. we'll see. SO! here we go... feeling particularily uninspired and unmotivated in every area possible (ask my husband) one day because of the sweet demand of motherhood, i found myself aimlessly stalking everyone's facebook while nursing (ultimate multi-tasking haha). while doing so, i recieved a message from a dear kasi mcclure. her email was so refreshing because it was so real. for the first time in awhile i didn't feel alone. here's what she said:

If you ever need to just need to say what you're feeling about any part of motherhood, feel free to use me as your uh... trash can ears??? LoL.

It's such a beautiful thing, I would say with Isabel I didn't really feel the connection of it all until she was about 8 months and didn't really relax until she was a year. After that life seemed to get in the groove. It is a common story the falling in love and getting to know your little ones so don't be afraid of those raw feelings? "All you do is eat! You are sucking me dry! ...but I still love you" ;D haha. Yes if you can keep a sense of humor, you're gold my dear! And keep in mind hormones and the whole delivery proces is probably still a little fresh, meaning you are probably still physically healing up? So don't forget to have grace on yourself in taking it easy, b/c that is what MOST moms have problems with... pacing ourselves! Hehe well take care and love you! ♥ Kasi

just so that there's no misunderstanding, i love my son. i do not resent the fact that i am a mother. but in the short 6 weeks of being a new mommy, i have discovered the absolute end of myself. many times.

many.
times.

and reading her words that day, especially the part i highlighted, gave me an extra boost. and then that's where the idea of this blog was born. i thought, "if i have these feelings and feel completely empowered and (normal) after reading that it's ok, then how many other mothers have felt/feel this way yet feel alone?" now again, i may have to make this blog into two because 1) i want their voices to be heard, their stories to be known. and they have a lot to say! 2) i don't want to take over this blog. i think i'll let them speak for themselves and share more on the second one. 

let me just say before i introduce these beautiful women that this isn't meant to be all negative. it's about reality, encouragement and validating every women that has or is about to embark on the journey of parenthood. i also want to add that all of these women are powerful, wonderful, courageous mamas, as well as very, very good mamas. motherhood is a BLESSING.

it is my hope that as you read, you will get that "extra boost" as i did. many thanks to those who participated. when i went through the emails as they came in, i couldn't wait to piece this blog together. all those reading... enjoy!

Rachel Barkley and her son, Max

The hardest part about being a new mommy, for me, was the extreme exhaustion in the very beginning. I ended up having my baby, Max, via c-section and had to take it very easy to let my incision heal properly. God was so gracious though and my recovery went so much better than normal. I was able to be up and about very shortly after and off my medications within about 5 days. I think the only thing that kept me hopeful, as far as sleep was concerned, was the fact that my mother would come over at 7 am each morning to take Max and let me sleep for a few hours until he needed to eat again. Oh, that was glorious! My son only took about 2 1/2 weeks to figure his days and nights out so it wasn't too terrible, but man....I didn't even know the MEANING of tired before my little guy arrived!

One of my sister-in-laws encouraged me with something before Max arrived, she said to put our night time cuddles into perspective - it only lasts a short while and you will NEVER get that time back ever again. He will never be that size, that age ever again... That, along with my mom coming in the morning, and the faintest sign of sunlight, kept me going and I learned to enjoy that season, even though I was exhausted. =) Funny thing is, I can't wait to do it again whenever God gives us another! I'm thankful for the mommy brain...oh the things we are able to forget! ~Rachel Barkley

.....

Taleasha Shane with her family
(in order of appearance L to R):
Logan, Nataleigh,
her husband Cory and Kyla

Shock, amazed, excited were just some of the ways I felt when I found out I was having a 3rd baby!! You would totally think I was ready after already having 2 but NOPE. This time was different my husband was in the military and was going to be gone for quit awhile, 20 months to be exact. The months seemed to slowly drag on and I was just ready to get this baby out, so I thought!! On Nov.28th 2007 I gave birth to Miss Nataleigh Blair Shane. I committed myself to just breast feeding her. She slept right beside my bed in her basset, when she was too big for that she went into the play yard. I always put her in her own bed but she ALWAYS ended up with me, sometimes I knew she wasn’t hungry but just wanted momma close by. I didn’t mind because daddy was gone. I knew she was my last baby, so I wanted to suck up all the special moments in between having to care for my other two. Did I mention that there were two in diapers!? Yup, it was fun feeding Nataleigh and then Kyla saying she had to go potty (she was potty training). Getting out the door was an adventure in its self. By the time we got to the first store I would have to feed Nataleigh before getting out and change her diaper. Kyla always had to go potty as soon as we got into any store. After getting everything I needed it was time to go get Logan(big brother) from school and go home and lay them down for a nap so I could TRY and clean. That didn’t always happen! Everyday there was something new, pee on the floor, me “leaking”, poo through the diaper and clothes, lotion everywhere, forgetting to drink my coffee(that was a MUST), putting two different shoes on(YES I have done it)!!
Now my 3 are growing up and they have made me so proud and happy to be their mom. I would not trade all the craziness for anything. It makes me laugh and cry when I talk about it. Cherish the moments you have because they really do grow up fast!! And don’t forget the Lord knows what you can handle!! ~Taleasha Shane

 

.....

 

Shannon Brophy with baby Judah

Becoming a mommy has been amazingly beautiful and overwhelmingly difficult all at once. When Judah was born, I realized right away that regardless of the number of books I had read, ways I had attempted to prepare and (good) advice I had absorbed from trusted people, none of it had truly given me a sense of the reality that was suddenly mine.
Nathan and I planned to have a water birth and do everything the natural way, but Judah was born via an emergency Caesarean Section after two days of back labor...we nearly lost him. Because of the emergency situation I was put under general anesthesia and so neither my husband nor my mom were allowed into the operating room, I didn't hear my baby's first cry and I didn't get to hold him until 5 hours later when he was stabilized.

One of the major difficulties we are still having is breastfeeding. Call me naive, but breastfeeding, being naturals as it is, I thought would come naturally for both myself and my baby. It has been everything but natural for us! We've had to supplement breastfeeding with formula along with a number of other things to help Judah gain weight and stay strong and now he's becoming more and more fond of the bottle, to our dismay. We were hoping it would eventually be the other way around.

In addition to my own emotional struggle with the fact that so many of our plans and intentions concerning the birth of our baby have gone completely opposite, the weight of critical people who feel compelled to make their opinions known and don't know the whole story can be draining.

I have to admit, sometimes it's easy to view these difficulties as a cloud hanging over us, but instead I try to focus on our little miracle baby we've been so richly blessed with and believe that whatever ways we succeed or fail, no matter who thinks what about our parenting styles and despite all circumstances now and to come, God has Judah's life in His hands and I can trust that above everything else. And that is the most beautiful thing of all. ~Shannon Brophy

 

take heart! you are not alone. and you are more normal than you think! ;) and "let's get real, people..." while caring for a little one may not always be easy, it is BY FAR, the biggest blessing!

 

more stories to come, stay tuned for Part II!