let's get real, people... Part II

DISCLAIMER: this blog is not for the faint of heart. this may include any single or married persons without children that have very steadfast, control-freaked and/or positive-"jesus-is-on-my-side" mindsets of what childbearing or child rearing will be like.

hey! welcome. if this is your first time reading this blog and you haven't read Part I, i'd encourage you to check that out first! :)

thoughts- in order for this blog to work, it needed to accomplish two things: vulnerability and encouragement. i somewhat feel the responsibility of making sure that you (the reader) understand that the ladies that have contributed their stories took a risk of being honest and then handing over their stories to me, trusting that i would lay out a good foundation in which their story would be shared and that they would still be seen as the loving mothers they truly are. i hope that i am doing a good job, as i respect and admire each and every one of them.

"babies are not books"
it's funny to me now when someone has "read" somewhere information on this or that tries, with all good intention, to contribute to the conversation with a matter-of-fact tone. i am not trying to be rude, but most of the time there are no right answers that work 100% of the time across the board when it comes to babies. in an ideal world, yes. but in reality, no. all to say, this blog is not to provide right answers... but hope. :)

on a side note, i had originally said that this may just be a blog in two parts. but it might be three... or four... i don't know. but stay tuned... in the meantime, enjoy more stories!

Rachel Killoran and son, Charlie

Motherhood. Never has a single word held so much in meaning! I am not just a lady with a baby- I am someone's MOTHER, will one day probably be someones mother-in-law, and then hopefully a grandmother. It's the entirety and "forever-ness" of being a mother that daunts me. It never stops, there is no break, no time off, no holidays because, even when you have that opportunity, you are thinking about them ALL the time! And you HAVE to deal with each new stage as you face them, head on.
My story feels a little different from what I have heard from other people and I am sometimes afraid to share it for risk of people thinking I am boasting in any way. Truth is, I don't find it all that hard. I don't struggle with feeding, Charlie sleeps all night every night, and I have an amazing husband who is extremely "hands on."

My delivery was pretty awful and I have had to spend time praying about it and getting it straightened out in my mind & heart. I was a bit mad at God that it hadn't been the "perfect" delivery I had wanted- BUT I now know HE was in control the whole time, HE never left my side and, above all, HE is PROUD OF ME! I did it and He loves me!

I guess my biggest struggle is the feeling of inadequacy. Surely I should be Supermum? My house ought to be beautiful, laundry done, lovely food cooked daily AND to top it all, I should be looking amazing, right?! Reality is SO very different! I am improving at managing my home, but if I find time to put any makeup on at all it's cos Tim is driving us somewhere and I do it in the car (and my body is still a weird shape)!!

I have felt every emotion under the sun, sometimes all at once! But, my biggest (aside from LOVE!) is a total sense of achievement. Everything I have done with my life so far pales in comparison to becoming a mum. Charlie is my biggest prize in this life!

Please don't misunderstand me, it didn't start easy like it is now. There were times Tim would wake up to find me pacing back & forth with tears streaming down my face because Charlie won't stop crying. BUT rest in the knowledge that: YES your maternal instincts probably are right, and if it keeps you sane then do whatever works (bottles, breast, pacifiers, etc). The best thing you can do for your baby is MAKE SURE you look after yourself and LOVE your husband. A baby who is secure in his parents love for one another, is secure in knowing he is also loved (NOT at all dig at single mothers cos God is bigger than that!!) ~ Rachel Killoran

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Jeni Davis at the part with Eliana

"You may experience some baby blues". I remember hearing those words at about 37 weeks along, but I was sure they didn't apply to me. "But I'm a Christian! Jesus is my anti-depressant!!". And I thought it with assurance. I was so unaware of the tiredness, the lonliness, and the recovery that having a baby would bring. When talking to other mothers they were quick to assure me that it's all worth it (I'm well aware, I'm in love with my daughter) and one woman went so far as to tell me that I just needed to turn off the tv and then I would fill up with the love hormone and wouldn't have problems with nursing. Such sound advice (insert sarcastic tone) :).

My baby is nearly two now and looking back the memories seem bright and happy, but I want the sensitivity to remain to new moms. You are amazing, you brought life into the world and you are daily feeding and encouraging that little soul. If I could go back I would smile at myself in the mirror more, cuddle my baby longer, and not worry about schedules or productiveness. ~Jeni Davis

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Angel Jackson and Caleb as a newborn



Motherhood is messy business! After bringing Ezra home from the hospital, I was excited to do the first diaper change at home. I was on the living room floor and when I took off his diaper he started to pee all over me! Then all of the sudden meconium spewed out his bottom! I started laughing so hard that I peed my pants! What?! No one told me that my bladder control would never be the same! So there I was....peed on by baby and myself, pooped on, spit up all over my shirt and breast milk leaking out my clothes! It didn't take long for me to learn that it wasn't all about me anymore! Spit up is my fragrance of choice, being in the bathroom alone is a treat, and the bags under my eyes are just the "sexy smokey" look. Someday I'll get to wear nice jewelry that won't get broken when it's pulled on, I won't smell like sour milk, and I'll be well rested. That time will come far too soon. I'm learning to enjoy all the messy moments of motherhood because someday I'll wish I had them back. ~Angel Jackson


"let's get real, people..." humor goes a long way. if you can still laugh, you're doing good!

still want more? yes. there will be a Part III. ya won't want to miss it!