DISCLAIMER: this blog is not for the faint of heart. this may include any single or married persons without children that have very steadfast, control-freaked and/or positive-"jesus-is-on-my-side" mindsets of what childbearing or child rearing will be like.
ok, so i said that there was a part IV and i thought that i should keep my word. not that anyone would remember. i guess it's more for me than anyone else, because it's been driving me nuys that i said there'd be a part IV. anyways, anyways, this part is my story. i totally enjoyed reading everyone else's... and i live with myself... so this all seems so redundant to me. but oh well. here we go...
001. Babies are not books. i said this in part II, but it's funny to me now when someone has "read" somewhere information on this or that tries, with all good intention, to contribute to the conversation with a matter-of-fact tone. i am not trying to be rude, but most of the time there are no right answers that work 100% of the time across the board when it comes to babies. in an ideal world, yes. but in reality, no. there's only one book that i can rely and go by to the letter. and *dun dun dun* it's the bible. it says, "trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...". maybe i'm not the best at following it all the time, but i do know that it works... all the time.
002. Breastfeeding. Mariya + idealistic views + breastfeeding = bleeding boobs and waterworks. DUDE. i'm sorry... moms-to-be do not read on. avert your eyes from this paragraph. booby feeding hurt like HELL. he was latching on wrong, i didn't know, my milk came in and i didn't know (how do you not know?!), i got engorged, i scabbed over, had a fever for five days, cried... cried... cried... nursing hurt more than labor. i'm serious. i got help and now he latches on wonderfully. there are even times i look forward to it, cuz it's mama and baby time. but OMIGOD, it did not come naturally like i thought it would. and there were times i would think while trying to breastfeed, "what did i get myself into?! i can't do this..." which leads me to:
003. Baby blues. yes. i had it. i cried a lot. and i had these depressing, fear-like, panicky feelings at times. and it'd all be while i was holding abe. he'd cry, i'd cry... aw, it was a mess. and it happened in the second week. i was fine the first. baby blues is real. there's no denying. but with the help of prenatals, a nap here and there, my hunk of a husband, my family and getting out of the house for fresh air, it came and went. i think my high expectations played a part as well in all the baby blues.
004. Synthetics. you know... i had this idea that i'd do everything really all natural. pfff. when it comes down to it, whatever works and keeps me sane so that i can look after my baby, that's what i kind of opt to do. i mean, cmon. take it easy, mariya. i said no pacis. broke that one. i said he'd only sleep in his bed. broke that one. no formula. broke that one. i mean, it's all within reason. all things safe. just not all natural. and everyone has there own convictions. so i'm not knocking people that go all natural or have the patience for things that i have found i don't have patience for. i just need to be the best me for my baby. and if i'm tiring myself out and being cranky pants because i need to live up to something and abe suffers for it? boom. out the window.
005. My body. ok, so i had imagined that by this time i would be hittin' the gym or at least doing something at home. you know the picture of that mom in skinny jeans, oversized fashion sunglasses, trendy baby bag, holding her perfectly dressed baby and starbucks coffee cup in the other? and THEN you zero in on her flat tummy? yeah. so not me. BUT, i will say this... i'm pretty proud of my body. stretch marks, baby buldge and all. i mean, this body pushed out a HUMAN!! i'm awesome! moms, give your body more credit and more grace to yourself.
006. Last one. aside from all the adjustments, i'm in love. it's the truth. and there's no way of explaining how two extreme feelings of highs and lows can exist in the same moment unless you have experienced the miracle of being a parent (sorry). jason and i will look at abe and then each other and say, "whoa..." we learn something new about the Father heart of God every single day. i look at abe and can't believe God entrusted him to us to raise, nurture and love.
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| mama and abey |
"let's get real, people..." parenthood is miraculous...
thanks for reading!
xo,
Mariya