home is where the heart is...

if i told you how many times i rearrange my house and furniture, you'd think i was a crazy person. aaaand maybe i am to some degree. my husband probably thinks i am, anyway. he's usually the one that either has to come home to a tornado of a mess because i'm moving stuff everywhere, or he has to help me. well. he doesn't HAVE to... he knows that i'll totally move stuff around without him. and he just laughs and says, "you're crazy, little one", then takes the other side of a table or chair and helps. he's also my official picture holder ("jay, move it a little to the left.... a liiiiiittttle more. ok, too far... a smidge to you is a mile to me! ok, hold it! perfect!"). aside from just liking my house to look nice, i also want it to be inviting. for who? for you! 

it's not enough for things to be just functional for me. i like things that are thought out, not to merely do what it's basic function is, but to be beautiful, to be safe, to be inspiring, to be comfortable, etc. i don't have a huge budget to work with. most of the things in my house have either been passed down, thrifted or craigslisted (and now, thanks to some facebook mamas, we also have peninsula buy sell trade. have you ever noticed how wacky people can be about the supposed and unspoken facebook ediquette?) and it doesn't bother me one bit. makes it fun and seem like treasure hunting. you may come into my home and not realize the time that i put into arranging it in such a way that would hopefully seem warm and beckoning... i don't know, maybe you do... but in any case, my heart is for people to come in and not only feel the peace of God in our home, but a huge Manalli hug in every space made available to them. no, it's not about the things i have. stuff is just stuff. i'd be lying if i said it'd be the easiest thing in the world to give up my home if i had to, but honestly, it also wouldn't be the hardest by far. so my aim isn't to showcase our possessions. and of course, i never want to assume that i have the best taste in decor either where everyone is like, "omigosh, that mariya knows what she's doing." it's to just simply make you feel WELCOME.

i could go into the whole, "and speaking of feeling welcome, how do you arrange your life and heart to make the Lord feel welcome there?" but. i'm not. i kinda did. just now. but for real. i'm not going to go there. 

one of my dreams has always been to have people in my home.... in the kitchen, in the dining room, on my couch... talking, laughing, crying, praying, worshipping, watch movies etc etc etc, feeling free to be themselves and feeling free in general. can people cry at my dining room table, can people fall asleep on my couch, can people find my cups for a drink of water? do they feel acceptance? do they feel the love my family has for one another by us doing life in these walls?  

part of that dream is fulfilled every week on a thursday when burning ones, our young adult home fellowship, comes over and fills our home and our heart. it's one of the best feelings to know that when God says he can use me, he literally meant he can use all of me, including my home. 

my love languages

in no particular order:


1. coffee
2. sleep
3. quality time


1. coffee
i like it black. i like it strong. i like it... yes, i'm talking about coffee... and i like it served to me in bed. the last part rarely happens (but when it does, i'm a happy girl), but none the less, it is a daily ritual in which i feel no guilt in partaking of. this past year in particular, has made coffee not only a love, but a survival tactic. i'm new to the mom world, earning my badges in late night gas, teething, growing pains, sugar highs, bad dreams and ungodly, gruesome early mornings, so coffee has become a necessity of sorts. lattes? caramel machiatto? chai? white mocha? pppffffff. might as well give me water. but give me a french pressed, dark roast cup of coffee and ZING! i'm alive and loving jesus... 

2. sleep
for very obvious reasons, i love sleep but rarely get any of it... so... see above.

3. quality time
not a gifts girl. i'm horrible at gift giving. and when i get a gift i instantly think, "um. i feel guilty." or, "crap. i forgot to get them one." not a physical touch girl. i like hugs. i like to mean it when i give them. but. don't sit on my lap or let your leg touch mine even though we are all squished on the same couch. ew.
nope. 
i'm a quality time girl.
what does this mean?
well, it means i like to spend quality, face to face time with the most important people in my life.  and for me, personally, i can tend to feel overwhelmed if i have too many meetings or friend visits or activities/church events lined up. because... i also like quality time to MYSELF. and i really like my time with my jesus. i'm emotionally at my best when i limit my activities and my social times. if i don't, i tend to feel spent. a revolving door of people and activities cannot fill my love tank like a nice night at home with just my family can. if i don't answer my phone, it very well may be that i'm busy (because a lot of the time i am), or... and please don't take offense... i'm busy just being not busy. jason and i sit down and talk about our priorities and where our hearts are at all the time just to stay the course to keep the first things first. but i think what i'm going to add on is, not just a list of things i'm going to do, but a list of things i'm not going to do. and i'm going to be really good at saying, "no." i'm learning more and more how to do this thing called life. and saying no doesn't mean i'm saying no to anyone personally... it means i'm mostly guarding my most heartfelt "yes" to all the things and people that i feel i need to make time for and am called to. 

what is your love language?


xoxo, m

break.through

it has been...

almost a year since i've written a complete song. 

that is a long time....

a loooonnnnnggggg time.

several things have attributed to that. there were so many changes in this last year that were not only hard, but some were painful. not all. but some. that, and continually finding the balance between abraham and all my eternal projects was getting tricky. so songwriting went on the back burner.

but last night, abraham had applesauce. no big. unless your kid doesn't really have sugar! that little punk was so hyper until midnight. half desperate, half brain-fried, i hopped onto the keys and started dinking around. that must have been the potion to put things in motion (cheese sauce) cuz i kicked out a little diddy. i've been wanting to write a song for abe, but didn't seem to have the time or energy. i figured it'd come when it came and i didn't want to force it, or it'd sound really bad. which, i must confess, i did try twice. and it sounded really bad. 

but i think i might have uncorked the flow. and i'm glad that the song that came first was a song for my son. he's worth it, i think. 

ABRAHAM’S LULLABY

it's time to go to sleep my darling

it's time to go to bed

it's time to go to sleep my darling

it's time to go to bed

rest little boy

dreams will find you

even heroes need

to have their sleep too

find your way to that world

where your heart is

there you will be free to fly

so goodnight my love

until morning breaks

see your adventure

in a different place

cleaning up

it's been since last christmas season that i've entered anything. and now i'm revisiting my blog again, cleaning it up a bit and excited about the opportunity to pen (er, type) again because i actually have the internet at my house now!! yi boi. my blog started off really focused on me being a new mommy. but i want to broaden the subject content a little this time around. this summer i was heavily considering titling my blog "the god-awful truth" consisting of spillage from my mind and heart. but i dealt with a lot of hurt and pain this past season and now looking back, i'm glad that i didn't have time or the resources to blog. a lot of what was coming out of me wasn't healthy because i wasn't necessarily in a healthy place. and the last thing someone needs when in the place i was in is to tell the whole world about it. haha! God is continually bringing me through that season of change, release and healing. and now, where i am, i feel like this is a good time to open up. "i just want to love you" seemed like the most appropriate title to have, as it is the desire of my heart towards my God and people that i come in contact with. i may not be the best at it, but i do want my life to reflect that. so, with that i'd like begin my whole new journey in blogging (again) to start with, "My God is sooooooooo good...."
til next time

xoxo

tis the season....

tis the season to go crazy.

is it just me or does this christmas season feel insane?! i'm a little discombobulated this time around. last year was peaceful and so much fun

mom and i decked out the house, we baked baked baked, tiana and i made a gingerbread house, isaia came home for christmas, opened up stockings and watched home alone, went to the live nativity down the road...

this year.

gah. well.

*takes deep breath* mom-dad-tiana-are-going-to-hawaii-meaning-not-that-many-christmas-decorations.house-being-built=trying-to-save-money.christmas-program-at-church-and-no-intelligent-ideas-that-i-can-think-of.and-it's-all-going-down-next-week.pizza-shop-is-bustin'ballsbusy.isaia-not-coming-home-for-christmas-(waaaaahhhh!!!).

i still love the holidays (love!!), just seems fast this year. and. strange? but still good. this year we took "manalli family" pictures (whoa! that's a first *BIG smile*). we couldn't afford to get them professionally done, so i asked tiana, my ten year old sister, to take them. i edited them and cropped them. with the help of shutterfly.com, i dropped them into a christmas card and now they are being mailed off. here's kind of how i arranged them, minus the shutterfly look:

i also took some of mom and dad's christmas pictures. they didn't use this one, but here's one of my faves:

how adorable is that?! i'd show the rest... but... i think mom wants to save them for the cards.

any other christmas i probably would have gotten these:

but this year, we are getting a house, so the christmas wish list consists of things like towels, curtains and a welcome mat. :)

when i take those moments to sit back and relax, all in all, it's a very blessed time of year. it may be slightly crazy this year, but i'm still so thankful for friends, family, and the supernatural meaning of christmas.

God is good. real good.  

let's get real, people... Part IV

DISCLAIMER: this blog is not for the faint of heart. this may include any single or married persons without children that have very steadfast, control-freaked and/or positive-"jesus-is-on-my-side" mindsets of what childbearing or child rearing will be like.

ok, so i said that there was a part IV and i thought that i should keep my word. not that anyone would remember. i guess it's more for me than anyone else, because it's been driving me nuys that i said there'd be a part IV. anyways, anyways, this part is my story. i totally enjoyed reading everyone else's... and i live with myself... so this all seems so redundant to me. but oh well. here we go...

001. Babies are not books. i said this in part II, but it's funny to me now when someone has "read" somewhere information on this or that tries, with all good intention, to contribute to the conversation with a matter-of-fact tone. i am not trying to be rude, but most of the time there are no right answers that work 100% of the time across the board when it comes to babies. in an ideal world, yes. but in reality, no. there's only one book that i can rely and go by to the letter. and *dun dun dun* it's the bible. it says, "trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...". maybe i'm not the best at following it all the time, but i do know that it works... all the time. 

002. Breastfeeding. Mariya + idealistic views + breastfeeding = bleeding boobs and waterworks. DUDE. i'm sorry... moms-to-be do not read on. avert your eyes from this paragraph. booby feeding hurt like HELL. he was latching on wrong, i didn't know, my milk came in and i didn't know (how do you not know?!), i got engorged, i scabbed over, had a fever for five days, cried... cried... cried... nursing hurt more than labor. i'm serious. i got help and now he latches on wonderfully. there are even times i look forward to it, cuz it's mama and baby time. but OMIGOD, it did not come naturally like i thought it would. and there were times i would think while trying to breastfeed, "what did i get myself into?! i can't do this..." which leads me to:

003. Baby blues. yes. i had it. i cried a lot. and i had these depressing, fear-like, panicky feelings at times. and it'd all be while i was holding abe. he'd cry, i'd cry... aw, it was a mess. and it happened in the second week. i was fine the first. baby blues is real. there's no denying. but with the help of prenatals, a nap here and there, my hunk of a husband, my family and getting out of the house for fresh air, it came and went. i think my high expectations played a part as well in all the baby blues.

004. Synthetics. you know... i had this idea that i'd do everything really all natural. pfff. when it comes down to it, whatever works and keeps me sane so that i can look after my baby, that's what i kind of opt to do. i mean, cmon. take it easy, mariya. i said no pacis. broke that one. i said he'd only sleep in his bed. broke that one. no formula. broke that one. i mean, it's all within reason. all things safe. just not all natural. and everyone has there own convictions. so i'm not knocking people that go all natural or have the patience for things that i have found i don't have patience for. i just need to be the best me for my baby. and if i'm tiring myself out and being cranky pants because i need to live up to something and abe suffers for it? boom. out the window.

005. My body. ok, so i had imagined that by this time i would be hittin' the gym or at least doing something at home. you know the picture of that mom in skinny jeans, oversized fashion sunglasses, trendy baby bag, holding her perfectly dressed baby and starbucks coffee cup in the other? and THEN you zero in on her flat tummy? yeah. so not me. BUT, i will say this... i'm pretty proud of my body. stretch marks, baby buldge and all. i mean, this body pushed out a HUMAN!! i'm awesome! moms, give your body more credit and more grace to yourself.

006. Last one. aside from all the adjustments, i'm in love. it's the truth. and there's no way of explaining how two extreme feelings of highs and lows can exist in the same moment unless you have experienced the miracle of being a parent (sorry). jason and i will look at abe and then each other and say, "whoa..." we learn something new about the Father heart of God every single day. i look at abe and can't believe God entrusted him to us to raise, nurture and love.



mama and abey



"let's get real, people..." parenthood is miraculous...

thanks for reading!

xo,

Mariya

I don't give a...

during john the disciple's time on the isalnd of patmos, the Lord showed him a vision in which we now read as "Revelation". i've heard it said that he, when released from prison, had to be carried on a chair because he was old and frail. as an old man, john traveled from church to church to minister. he had men carry him through the crowds of people on his chair. and then he'd reach out to them, touching them saying,

"little children, little children, love one another"

sometimes that's all he'd say...

"little children, little children, love one another"

john was also the disciple that laid his head on the chest of jesus... he was called the beloved...
he was also the only one that was told to, "come up here and i will show you these things..." (revelation) and given a full blown vision of what's to come.

the more revelation he had, the more simple the message got. it always came down to love.

he could have preached, "little children, little children, jesus is coming, so get your lives together and be holy!!" maybe he could have given a five point message on how to prepare the church for the end times.

but instead.

his message came down to love.

that story has rocked me.

this past week, i personally was wrestling with some things. and after taking them to God, i received breakthrough. all i want is to be a lover. i want the reality of jesus. with my whole heart. i don't want to value the opinion of man above the love of God. when it comes to having to choose whether i will judge or love... screw it. i'm loving. the whole way through. i want to love well and come out of this wilderness leaning on my beloved.

so when someone tells me their opinion on church, politics, people, etc... or when they tell me something so dark and deep that took them forever to say because they felt so much shame... or when someone doesn't do something right... or when i feel out of sorts and i feel my perspective slipping...

i say

(and i don't mean to offend... but i mean it with my WHOLE heart...)

i don't give a shit.

i.just.love.you.

i'm done and i'm done for. my heart has been claimed. i no longer want anything to come inbetween my intimacy with the Lord. or my relationship with people. it's just not worth it to me.

the art of loving well is a life-long journey that i want to take...

i want to be a lover. God, make me a lover.

so.

i love you.

and you.

and you.

yeah.

you.

xo,

Mariya