i sad, mom!

so last night, i let abe know he had two minutes left on the ipad to watch his show "kipper" before it was time to be all done. he replied with, "ok, mom!"

two minutes go by. times up. i'm tired. i've been looking forward to bed time. his bed time.

so i grabbed the ipad and with a chipper voice said, "ok, two minutes is done! time to be all done!"

his reaction when i took it away? ----> "NOOOOOOOooooooo!!! no, mom!" *cry cry cry*

to which i said, "ok! lay down, time for bed. don't like the attitude!"

he lays down and is sobbing.

and i thought to myself, "this is what parents do, right? kids have been sent to bed crying before."

i try to settle in. i try to be ok with my decision. he's still crying.

so i go and check on him.

"bubby, sit up. do you want to talk?"

he sits up and nods, looking at me with tears streaming down his small cheeks.

"i sad, mom! you took the ipad out of abraham's hands! you just took it!" he raises his little hands and motions holding it and then it being snatched.

*lightbulb comes on*

"ooohhhhh! abe, you're right i did do that. and that makes you sad?"

"yes! i sad! you just took it!"

"and you didn't like that i just took it without you knowing"

"yeah! you just took it out of abraham's hands!!" *sobbing again*

now. i know that he's three. it's not a big deal over all. but to his three year old heart, it mattered a whole lot. the feeling of being powerless in the situation was real to him.

"you know what? mommy is so sorry. i should not have just taken it out of your hands. i should have told you the two minutes was up and then have YOU give it to me, huh?"

"yes!" *resting his head on my chest and letting out more tears*

"mommy is sorry. can you forgive me?"

clearly still struggling with hurt and crying, "yes, i forgive you..."

"do you want me to pray for you?"

"yes!! pweeze pway jejus"

so we pray. we invite his peace and his forgiveness to wash over us. feeling little relief, he lies down. still processing. i lay down with him and talk to him about his day... and his thoughts still go towards the incident, "you took it out of abraham's hands...."

"yes, i did. and mommy is sorry"

we repeat this like 5-10 times. i'm tired, ya'll. i want him to go to bed. this was supposed to be a fast routine. and instead, i'm laying in my son's bed listening to him talk about the situation. i run my hands through his hair and kiss his head. i squeeze him tight and keep telling him i love him. after awhile i'm able to leave and he's still laying there thinking. he calls me to his room a couple more times before drifting off to sleep. and i go to his room. sit on his bed and rub his back.

he had to process. and then he wanted reconnection.

i understand that maybe this isn't the most ideal thing to do all the time. but last night, he needed his mommy. he needed to know his heart was important and that i would fight for that connection as long as it took. and if you're wondering, it took an HOUR.

abraham is like any other three year old. he gets upset over weird stuff. for example, like his socks not lining up right or his toast looks different that day so he refuses to eat it. he himself is not good at sharing and takes things away from other kids a lot of the time.

but i want to hear him. i want to hear him out.

we won't get this right every time. and one day he won't always want to talk it out as easily as he did last night. but i have hope that if we establish holding the standard of connecting with his heart, that it will benefit our relationship in the long run. it's not my job to control abe or to "punish" him. it's my job to discipline him, to believe in him, to protect him... to raise him up to be a good listener and a communicator. to love him FREELY and DEEPLY.

dear abe, 
you are so amazing. you're really really cool. you just are! you're a cool kid. ;) our love is dorky and our dance moves are ridiculous. i love your laugh! you have the best laugh. mommy and daddy will always be here loving you, accepting you, willing to listen to you, we will always want to talk to you and we will always believe in you. thank you for reminding me to connect with your heart. being connected to you is above the principle most times. you're such a good boy. you are strong and brave!! i love you so...