the time for singing...

"the time for singing has come...."
-Song of Solomon 2:12

i am a worship leader. i'm a worshiper and a lover first. but i'm a worship leader. i am on staff as a worship leader. and i have been singing for as long as i can remember. nothing makes me come more alive then singing songs to Jesus. my heart becomes so vibrant in that place. and for about the last three years i have lost my voice. as in it hasn't sounded the same for three years. and it wasn't something i talked about often, but i noticed it every time i would sing. my voice just sounded different and weak. i could never get the range i had before or sing as loud as i did before. it was just. gone. i was in mourning over losing it. maybe others didn't notice as much, but i did and started to become so discouraged. in the last year and a half i have been addressing some health issues and started to wonder if my voice was being affected by the poor state of my health. but i couldn't be sure.

being on a journey of healing instantly meant my heart was going through the process as well. it's just how it works in mariya world. the Lord uses everything to speak to my spirit. while gaining healing, i'd say in the last 3 months my voice returned!! the strength and range is back. i've come to realize two things:

1. my body had been SO run down that any reserve it had went to keeping me awake. singing was not for the reserve. but choosing health and the process it is taking is what gave my body energy to be able to sing again. it had to heal to this point!

2. God has been wringing my heart of fear... of un-forgiveness... of bitterness... of hurt... and replacing it with fiery love, passion, authority, peace etc etc etc... i feel the Lord's kindness and his joy in a whole new way. it's like a "it's settled. i am His and no others".

what i have found is that, for me, it wasn't one or the other (physical or spiritual). it was both. i had to allow the Lord to move in both areas. i can't even begin to tell you how many people have prayed for me and told me, "you're healed. it's done" and then it wouldn't be done because the next day symptoms would come back. or some would say, "there's a spirit on that! you have the spirit of such and such..." and i know everyone was trying to be helpful. but when everything was over-spiritualized, it actually only made me feel worse.

the Lord has been showing me that there's restoration in the PROCESS. process has been a big part of my life lately. by staying faithful to the process that it takes to resolve issues in my body, he was showing me that HE was actually the one doing the work, but i was co-parterning with him. it was a powerful moment when i came to the end of my own ability to see this situation myself and started trusting in his process and looking through his lenses.

there's more to this story, but basically when i gained my voice back, i had also come to a place where i felt like i gained many other things... joy, freedom, a sense of clarity...

one of the many ways that physical and spiritual healing manifested in me was in singing again...

the time for singing has come.