abe's nativity

we got our first nativity this year. it was only like $10 but it's perfect! i'm sure i'll buy more over the years, but i love love love that this is our first one. for one, they all have smiles. the other ones had mortified faces on them. haha! they were all traditional, but geez! mary is kneeling, leaning over the baby, looking up with her hands raised with a look that says, "WHHHHYYYY MMEEEEEE?!?!"

i don't know what other people do, but when explaining the nativity to my three year old, he doesn't quite find it entertaining for me to read the bible or anything... here's how the conversation went-

mom: *holding baby jesus* this is baby jesus! and here's jesus' mommy and daddy.
abe: ooohhhhhh!
mom: christmas is jesus' birthday
abe: presents
mom: haha, well, abe, guess what? these three guys came to give him presents for his birthday

*took the three wise men, acted out them giving them gifts and kissing baby jesus*

mom: the wise men say, "thank you, jesus! thank you, thank you, thank you!"
abe: *kisses baby jesus* thank you, jesus!
mom: and here is an angel that came to celebrate jesus' birthday too!
abe: no, mom. that's a butterfly!!
mom: ok, well the wise men and the angel-butterfly...
abe: ...no. just butterfly...
mom: k, the butterfly are going to sing happy birthday to jesus

*we sing happy birthday then give jesus a kiss*

mom: all the decorations in the house are for jesus' birthday party!!
abe: presents.
mom: jesus gives us presents all the time. everything in our life is from him. like family and our toys. do you want to give jesus a present for his birthday like how you get presents on your birthday?
abe: no. i want a present.
mom: but it's jesus' birthday. don't you want to give him a birthday present
abe: um. a movie!
mom: you want to give him a movie?
abe: yes. jesus watch a movie on the t.v.
mom: what movie would you like to give him on his birthday?
abe: he watch the trees... (the lorax. one of abe's favorite movies right now)
mom: that's a great present! guess what? baby jesus is going to grow up to be a superhero!! he saves the world!
abe: ooohhhhhh!!!
mom: and he's a warrior like you!
abe: yeah, like me!!
mom: he's brave and strong
abe: yup.

*i take baby jesus and pretend to have jesus talk to abe*

{jesus}: thank you, abe, for my movie! i love you so much!
abe: i love you too, jesus!
{jesus}: i want to give you a honi honi (kisses)

then i had abe help me put the nativity back the way he wanted. (see above pic)

we will continue to talk to abe about christmas and its meaning. it's fun! and honestly, he totally doesn't get it all. right now, abe's world consists of what abe wants. but he's three. and my job is to be patient and loving as we help him realize through time the world around him and how much jesus loves him.

right now he's asking when we can have jesus' birthday cake. because obviously if it's someone's birthday they need a cake!!

see ya! enjoy your day and those around you :)

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i'm a warrior!!

I'M A WARRIOR!! 

i have this thing. it's that if i say something enough, i think that abe will believe it. so i tell him everyday that: i love him, daddy loves him, jesus loves him. he's awesome. he's funny. he's cool. he's blessed. he's brave. he's strong.

abe engages himself in an unseen war every day. he gets out his guns and chases "monsters" and shoots them. he rolls on the floor, gets up quick, jumps from couch to couch, shoots and then says victoriously, "i got him!!" to which i reply, "you're awesome, abe!!" then he does it all over again.

most evenings, he will be so full of energy before bed (it's the hype before the crash) and so jason and/or i will play a high energy game of abe's choice like chase, wrestling, or shooting his guns. when he shoots his guns, he's "the warrior." we've taught him to thrust his fist into the air and declare, "I'M A WARRIOR!!" he knows warriors are brave and strong. and they are awesome. and that he's one.

one of the things this warrior does is, when he points and shoots someone (either jason or myself), he completely blasts them to oblivion. it's all out boy play where he sets out to conquer!! the warrior usually hits his target every time! i mean, c'mon! the warrior is strong and brave! he celebrates and then he comes over, grabs our hand and says, "THANK YOU, JESUS!! AMEN!" and raises us from the dead... teaching him that Jesus has the power to raise people from the dead when we pray.

i think... no, i know... that abe believes he's a warrior. when steve carrier, minister and strong man, came to our church, abe was in awe. steve broke bricks with his arms and ripped big phone books. abe stared, wide-eyed... and i turned to him and said in his ear, "abe. he's a warrior. just. like. you." you know what abe said?

"yeah. just like me... just like abraham."

i don't really care at the moment if abraham knows how to or even wants to pray before he eats his food. most days he can't be bothered. i don't care if he doesn't participate in singing "this little light of mine" with the sunday school class. most times he stands there with his arms folded. i don't care what he DOES. i want him to know who he IS.

in this day and age i'm told that guns aren't cool. that i must step in every time there is a slight confrontation of sorts with my son and his playmate to avoid any pain and harm. i'm told that my kid should know his numbers, abc's, colors at a certain age. i'm told that if he can do puzzles, he's a genius. if he acts out, he has a disability. we are completely bombarded with all these new parenting tips that make us and our child socially acceptable, politically correct and, most of all, make it "comfortable" for people to be around him or her. and we get caught up in the craze every once in awhile. we feel credited with every, "what a well mannered child. so well behaved." and so completely down trodden by every, "oohhh, why does he/she do that? you know i've read that leads to (_fill in the blank_)."

how the heck do i tell my son that he's destined to be strong, courageous, loving, LOUD when he needs to be... soft when he wants to be? how am i supposed to teach him to embrace that wild side when society is telling me it's unacceptable, even at an innocent age of three when life and death does not look like what it looks like to an adult? how am i to teach him to be a protector and a fighter when i'm constantly supposed to get him to somehow avoid EVERY confrontation possible?

fear, shame and guilt will always be there to try to bring abe down, make him forget who he is, try to steal his joy, try to make him insecure, demand that he start to perform... i want him to know how to rise up in those moments and allow who he is to step forward.

sometimes we can get so caught up on what everyone is DOING, what we are DOING or what we are not DOING. we're so backed up with information that robs us of the opportunity to simply come as we are and grow. we forget who we are, who we're meant to really be... it really isn't something we turn into. it's something we RETURN to. when jesus comes into our lives, we come into sonship. we are kings and priests. rulers and servants. sons and daughters. lovers and warriors.

who ARE you? separate the truth from the lie.

give insecurity, performance, guilt and shame the middle finger by declaring the word of God over your life. over your children's lives. over your family's lives. and if you are a parent visiting with another parent, pray for one another. speak a blessing over people and their kids.

to start off, maybe stand in front of the mirror. look at yourself and say, "i. am. loved."

and then, for kicks and giggles, pump your fist in the air and say,

"i'm a warrior!!"

too soon?

before you freak out, these are pictures from last year. so no... my decorations are not up yet. but they WOULD be if it were up to me. i love christmas. i'm trying to not completely bypass thanksgiving, but... i'm THANKFUL every thanksgiving for CHRISTMAS! we usually set up our tree around the second week of november. not joking. so we're a little late this year, but it'll be set up soon. but with christmas on the brain, can't help but blog about it. if you scroll down, you'll see my book christmas tree! entirely made of books. don't have room for one this year, but it was my favorite piece, outside of the tree. 

::MANALLI CHRISTMAS TRADITION::

*we, of course, set our tree up together! abe mostly runs around excitedly until we give him ornaments to put on the lower half of the tree.

*music: charlie brown christmas. must. also frank sinatra, bing crosby, michael buble? always on the list. and the old mariah carey christmas album. 

*ELF MOVIE! to be honest, we can watch this year round. but it becomes completely concentrated around this time of year. abe watches it with us, but maybe we can add polar express or the grinch? we'll see... ;) 

*look at christmas lights. this kept me sane in san diego around this time of year. i'd miss home, there'd be palm trees and sun all year round... which was awesome... but i missed alaska. christmas meant snow to me. so jason would take me out driving to see christmas lights at night so that i could imagine the houses with snow when all you could really see was lights on peoples houses.

*baking... but it has to be russian tea cakes. that's what my mom would make all the time in our kitchen. so naturally when i think of baked goods, i think of russian tea cakes. :) 

*christmas eve pajamas. i mean. c'mon, who doesn't love new freaking jammies to sleep in and wake up in?!

::NEW TRADITIONS::

*christmas camp out: i can't wait to do this with abe!! get the air mattresses out, watch a movie by the light of the christmas tree! maybe make some candle stick s'mores! 

*make or buy an ornament to add to the tree every year

*read a christmas story

*make a gingerbread house. abe is at a good age to do this. i think last year he'd just want to eat all the candy. who am i kidding... he'll want to do that this year too. oh well. still have to do it. 

*visit santa.... errrrrrr, abe probably won't do this. but it's worth a shot. ;) 

*make a giant christmas breakfast! 

*get a nativity set and talk about the story of jesus being born! 

we are going to connecticut for christmas as well. i'm so excited. so are the boys! every time i tell abe we're going to connecticut, he says, "i want to go to nugget!" it's darling. so what are your family traditions? are there ones you'd rather not do? are there ones you'd like to add? 

vertical worship

on november 1st, in a hollowed out room, a remnant of musicians and worshipers came together and sat in a circle to lift their voices in worship for four straight hours to jesus. they sang as the sun went down, they sang while the community was eating dinner, they sang when some were going to sleep. their vibrant hearts coming alive more and more with the strum of the guitar, the beat of the drum. the room was lit with strands of white christmas lights strung up on the ceiling, but in reality was completely illuminated by the fiery spirits belting out their song to the Lord. the presence of God penetrated the room with rest, joy, freedom, prophesy and praise as incense went up.

there was no preaching, no prayer team, no announcements, no overhead projector... the focus was completely on making that space to glorify jesus and let him know how beautiful he is. that was it. yet that one focus produced a joyful energy and intense flame.

what would it look like if we came together with no other agenda than to magnify his name? what if we set aside our doctrine, our differences, our events, our programs and just loved the Lord and loved each other in that place? how would those songs being sent out and resonating in the atmosphere of our community change things around us? what would it do INSIDE us?

this is vertical worship. it's stripped down and infused with hunger. it calls to the heart of every believer to unity. it welcomes anyone to come and be a part.

come on, alaska... let's sing to our creator.

the time for singing...

"the time for singing has come...."
-Song of Solomon 2:12

i am a worship leader. i'm a worshiper and a lover first. but i'm a worship leader. i am on staff as a worship leader. and i have been singing for as long as i can remember. nothing makes me come more alive then singing songs to Jesus. my heart becomes so vibrant in that place. and for about the last three years i have lost my voice. as in it hasn't sounded the same for three years. and it wasn't something i talked about often, but i noticed it every time i would sing. my voice just sounded different and weak. i could never get the range i had before or sing as loud as i did before. it was just. gone. i was in mourning over losing it. maybe others didn't notice as much, but i did and started to become so discouraged. in the last year and a half i have been addressing some health issues and started to wonder if my voice was being affected by the poor state of my health. but i couldn't be sure.

being on a journey of healing instantly meant my heart was going through the process as well. it's just how it works in mariya world. the Lord uses everything to speak to my spirit. while gaining healing, i'd say in the last 3 months my voice returned!! the strength and range is back. i've come to realize two things:

1. my body had been SO run down that any reserve it had went to keeping me awake. singing was not for the reserve. but choosing health and the process it is taking is what gave my body energy to be able to sing again. it had to heal to this point!

2. God has been wringing my heart of fear... of un-forgiveness... of bitterness... of hurt... and replacing it with fiery love, passion, authority, peace etc etc etc... i feel the Lord's kindness and his joy in a whole new way. it's like a "it's settled. i am His and no others".

what i have found is that, for me, it wasn't one or the other (physical or spiritual). it was both. i had to allow the Lord to move in both areas. i can't even begin to tell you how many people have prayed for me and told me, "you're healed. it's done" and then it wouldn't be done because the next day symptoms would come back. or some would say, "there's a spirit on that! you have the spirit of such and such..." and i know everyone was trying to be helpful. but when everything was over-spiritualized, it actually only made me feel worse.

the Lord has been showing me that there's restoration in the PROCESS. process has been a big part of my life lately. by staying faithful to the process that it takes to resolve issues in my body, he was showing me that HE was actually the one doing the work, but i was co-parterning with him. it was a powerful moment when i came to the end of my own ability to see this situation myself and started trusting in his process and looking through his lenses.

there's more to this story, but basically when i gained my voice back, i had also come to a place where i felt like i gained many other things... joy, freedom, a sense of clarity...

one of the many ways that physical and spiritual healing manifested in me was in singing again...

the time for singing has come.

30, flirty and thriving

i'm one of those weird ones that was looking forward to turning 30. i did not grow up with a mother who dreaded getting older. and so, i, in turn, learned to love the coming year. plus it probably helps that i still look like a high schooler (sarcasm. i hate being mistaken for a 14 year old).

birthdays generally are not toooo big of a deal for me. definitely like it to be acknowledged, but that could look like friends and family sending me a text saying happy birthday. really. that's all it takes to make me happy. my parents were awesome about throwing birthday parties when i was younger. so it's not like i grew up not having birthday parties. it's more so turned into a time of reflecting for me. i'm good with a small family dinner most years.

but this year, being my 30th, felt like partying.

::THE PARTY::
when planning a party, there are obviously a lot of ideas: prom theme, cupcake bars, wine night, bon fire, home party, dinner, destination (cruise, vaca, girl trip)... but september is a busy month for us. i mean SLAMMIN'. it's a super busy month full of: family birthdays and anniversaries. and doing a full blown theme party that i'd have to put a lot of thought into seemed like a TON of work that i didn't have the energy or time for. so! i decided to do what came most naturally: dinner party!

it was so FUN! i ironically had about 30 people there. see what i did there? actually i didn't notice that til now.

the first pic is where we placed my birthday PIES. mmmm, num. i even had a wheat free, corn free pie made especially for me! apple pies all around! 

the second pic is of the place before everyone came. all that's missing is the food on the table (zucchini and pasta lasagna, salads, bread... all made by the wonderful harmony bolden) and all the gorgeous people that shared the night with me. :) 

also had a young man by the name of conway seavey for the music entertainment! he was AWESOME! the amazing kelsie remsen (dream designs) decorated the whole place! it was vintage, rustic themed. wanted it to have a family feel and for the table to feel like a big endless farm table with assorted chairs. she did an excellent job. 

the night was so fun. and i felt as if this year's present to myself was to have all the people that i love the most (minus my faumui's. spread out in kodiak and redding) at the table, laughing, talking and eating together. all of our kids were running around, good food and music... ahhh! if it wasn't so much work, i'd do it every year! 

my darling husband made a heart felt toast that made my heart burst in my chest. seriously. i'm married to the most beautiful soul. very tender man with an endless amount of patience and love for me and our son. 

::HEART//THOUGHTS::

like i said, i've been looking forward to turning 30. just seemed like a good age. not too young, not too old... still can hang with the young people, but taken seriously with the older, haha! just the way i think i guess. or maybe it's like being able to sit at the kids table AND the adult table. 

and this may sound strange but i'm SO GLAD to be out of my 20's. it was a good decade, but it's almost like the junior high of adulthood. i felt like i was the pimply faced girl with no hips (who am i kidding. i still don't have any. i'm shaped like a boy) a weird haircut, constantly figuring out what it is that i actually think and love,  all while trying to be comfortable in my own skin. and let's be honest, i wasn't one of those WILD and CRAZY 20 year olds who went out and danced on tables. i've always been somewhat of an old soul which can, to some, translate as boring. (just kidding. i'm not boring. i'm awesome.) and don't get me wrong, i'm still figuring out who i am. and it's clear now, that i'm going to continuously change my mind on many things that i felt i've made my mind up on. i even looked back at old journal entry's from about 6 years ago and think, "that's what i thought about God?! so odd..." 

i feel rejuvenated. i think the biggest thing is i feel: unafraid. 

i'm not afraid of vulnerability. i'm not afraid of messes. i'm not afraid of real relationships. i'm not afraid of getting hurt. i'm not afraid of where we will go or how we will be taken care of. i'm not afraid of trying something new. i'm not afraid of not knowing what i'm doing and what it may look like. i trust the Lord. i trust him. i trust his love for me, for my family and for those around me i care about.  

Left is a pic from my early 20's and me now

not that i have all the experience of one being in there 30's (hello.) but if i could talk to my younger 20'ish self looking towards 30's SOME of the things i'd want to tell her is, "Mariya, you're going to be alright. learn to love yourself, learn to not take yourself seriously... be vulnerable. it's ok to let people see that you don't have everything together. be willing to learn! practice saying, 'i don't know. can you please teach me?' and in the future, you won't think it's cool to back comb your hair as much. loosen up! and just have FUN. you're going to learn how to draw boundaries. you'll keep making mistakes in that area, but family is always first. you are opinionated. and you burn passionately about things you care about. you ARE a non-conformist, but the bridge to being heard on the things that you burn for is relationship. it's no fun to be 'right' (ha.ha.ha.) but no one to go with you. so always care FIRST for these relationships. love God, love people. love God, love people. you will be tested in this over and over. but still: love God, love people. it'll still be just as cool to love disneyland and you will only grow to be even more dorky. (embrace your inner dork!)." 

and to really tie in the 30 "flirty" and thriving title... i am the WORST flirter. so i'm not even sure what that means. oh well. but it rhymed. but thriving? 

hell yes i am

:) 

i sad, mom!

so last night, i let abe know he had two minutes left on the ipad to watch his show "kipper" before it was time to be all done. he replied with, "ok, mom!"

two minutes go by. times up. i'm tired. i've been looking forward to bed time. his bed time.

so i grabbed the ipad and with a chipper voice said, "ok, two minutes is done! time to be all done!"

his reaction when i took it away? ----> "NOOOOOOOooooooo!!! no, mom!" *cry cry cry*

to which i said, "ok! lay down, time for bed. don't like the attitude!"

he lays down and is sobbing.

and i thought to myself, "this is what parents do, right? kids have been sent to bed crying before."

i try to settle in. i try to be ok with my decision. he's still crying.

so i go and check on him.

"bubby, sit up. do you want to talk?"

he sits up and nods, looking at me with tears streaming down his small cheeks.

"i sad, mom! you took the ipad out of abraham's hands! you just took it!" he raises his little hands and motions holding it and then it being snatched.

*lightbulb comes on*

"ooohhhhh! abe, you're right i did do that. and that makes you sad?"

"yes! i sad! you just took it!"

"and you didn't like that i just took it without you knowing"

"yeah! you just took it out of abraham's hands!!" *sobbing again*

now. i know that he's three. it's not a big deal over all. but to his three year old heart, it mattered a whole lot. the feeling of being powerless in the situation was real to him.

"you know what? mommy is so sorry. i should not have just taken it out of your hands. i should have told you the two minutes was up and then have YOU give it to me, huh?"

"yes!" *resting his head on my chest and letting out more tears*

"mommy is sorry. can you forgive me?"

clearly still struggling with hurt and crying, "yes, i forgive you..."

"do you want me to pray for you?"

"yes!! pweeze pway jejus"

so we pray. we invite his peace and his forgiveness to wash over us. feeling little relief, he lies down. still processing. i lay down with him and talk to him about his day... and his thoughts still go towards the incident, "you took it out of abraham's hands...."

"yes, i did. and mommy is sorry"

we repeat this like 5-10 times. i'm tired, ya'll. i want him to go to bed. this was supposed to be a fast routine. and instead, i'm laying in my son's bed listening to him talk about the situation. i run my hands through his hair and kiss his head. i squeeze him tight and keep telling him i love him. after awhile i'm able to leave and he's still laying there thinking. he calls me to his room a couple more times before drifting off to sleep. and i go to his room. sit on his bed and rub his back.

he had to process. and then he wanted reconnection.

i understand that maybe this isn't the most ideal thing to do all the time. but last night, he needed his mommy. he needed to know his heart was important and that i would fight for that connection as long as it took. and if you're wondering, it took an HOUR.

abraham is like any other three year old. he gets upset over weird stuff. for example, like his socks not lining up right or his toast looks different that day so he refuses to eat it. he himself is not good at sharing and takes things away from other kids a lot of the time.

but i want to hear him. i want to hear him out.

we won't get this right every time. and one day he won't always want to talk it out as easily as he did last night. but i have hope that if we establish holding the standard of connecting with his heart, that it will benefit our relationship in the long run. it's not my job to control abe or to "punish" him. it's my job to discipline him, to believe in him, to protect him... to raise him up to be a good listener and a communicator. to love him FREELY and DEEPLY.

dear abe, 
you are so amazing. you're really really cool. you just are! you're a cool kid. ;) our love is dorky and our dance moves are ridiculous. i love your laugh! you have the best laugh. mommy and daddy will always be here loving you, accepting you, willing to listen to you, we will always want to talk to you and we will always believe in you. thank you for reminding me to connect with your heart. being connected to you is above the principle most times. you're such a good boy. you are strong and brave!! i love you so...

currently into

oh my, i LOVE this year's fall. a little windy and rainy some days, but we were able to watch the leaves turn this year in the sunlight. abe and i took lots of drives and walks. so so beautiful!! i'm obsessed with this time of year (fall going into the holidays). boots come out, scarves, jackets, hats, mittens... hot drinks in hand... it's a GREAT time of year!!

::CURRENTLY INTO::

Watching: new girl! i'm late jumping on the band wagon. we don't have cable, so everything is via netflix. but in about a week (yes i said week) i have caught up on two seasons. and currently re-watching. i fell in love with jess because i feel like her awkward, dorky behavior is relatable. to. me.

Drinking: chai or roobis tea. not latte. just tea.

Reading: the alchemist. good and easy read by paul coelho. i haven't had much time to sit down and read it, but i do believe i'm just getting to the good stuff. it'll most likely be the read during nap time today. :) just finished powerful and free: confronting the glass ceiling for women in the church and free by danny silk. it was really good and i couldn't put it down! jason is reading that one next!

Eating: cinnamon organic rice cakes with almond butter and chocolate chips. mmmm, dessert!!

Listening to: Bethel's new Tides album and. wait for it. christmas music. eeeeyyyuuuup! not ashamed!

Inspired by: the beautiful weather and anyone around me that is creating. i love to hear how people are being inspired. it inspires me!

God could have left Job alone...

enjoying fall

 

Abe, you're 3!

Abraham, 

you are three! 

for your birthday we:

made you sprinkle pancakes with frosting syrup in the morning!

aunty jeni, ellie and hezzy came over later that week and brought cupcakes that ellie made! 

towards the end of the month we had a small dinner party with close friends! your "cake" was chocolate donuts, your favorite! 

favorite toys:
monster trucks, helicopters, airplanes, tractors, diggers, guns, drums

favorite food:
pancakes with peanut butter and syrup! you can eat these every day all day long

favorite movie:
the lorax

favorite tv show:
yo gabba gabba

favorite music artists:
kirk franklin and justin bieber

favorite pretend play:
you are always on missions to "kill a monster" with your guns. you're always hopping a plane or getting on a boat (couches and beds) and you're always rolling on the ground lol!

cute and funny things you say:
oh dear
pwey my back for jejus (lay your hand on my back and pray)
what da heck
oh my gosh
i need to wide the wocket, mom! (i need to ride the rocket)
calm down, welax (relax)
i got an idea!! 
look at my poop poops! mmm, smells good! 
i lo lu (i love you)
where's da sun?! where'd it go?! 
da cwouds give da mountains honi honi (the clouds are kissing the mountains) 
i'm going to da moon! 
jaaaayyyy!
i awesome! 
be strong and brave! 
shoot da gun! get da monsters! 
i spiyer man! (spider man)
cwah here! (come here) 
gimme hug! 
i need a honi honi! (kisses)
i fwee! (i'm three)
my name is abahem
wha happen?

YOU ARE:
-wild!- you roar like a lion all the time! you love to discover and do it with so much excitement!! 
-tender- your heart is sensitive. when there is tension in the air, you sense it. everything in your world has a personality: trees, clouds, mountains, stuffed animals, cups, books, everything. you are also sensitive towards others. 
-strong willed- and i love this about you. this means you are strong minded and have a determined will. whatever you set your mind and heart to in this life, you will see as possible. you will see a way. 
-funny- you're so playful and you say the most hilarious things!! 
-joyful- you sing and dance and love to laugh a LOT! 
-forgiving- mommy and daddy make mistakes over and over again with you and you always forgive us. we say sorry a lot during our parenting. you also forgive others well, like your friends. it takes you a little bit at times, but once you've processed through things, you are good to go! 
-good communicator- you say when you are mad, sad or happy. you always find ways to tell us how you are and what you mean through motions and words

you are also prophetic. mommy and daddy are learning to draw it out of you in the most natural way possible. i guess what we mostly are trying to do is just make space for you to talk to us about things you feel and see. you are a leader, a protector and you fight for others. you are a non-comformist and a warrior. you are bold, a visionary and a kingdom builder. you are a reformer. you are compassionate of others. you are a lover. 

you are the freakin' bees-nees! you're a bad ass! you got a coolness factor wrapped up in innocence! 

you are loved. by many. by mommy, daddy, nanas, papas, titis, uncles, tutus, friends, anyone that meets you and most of all by Papa Daddy! mommy and daddy are so proud of you! 

my love::poem

poem i wrote for jason for our 6 year anniversary:

My Love

How does a flower bloom, my love?

How does it start to grow?

By the light, tenderness and whisper of God

That He so lovingly bestows

How does a tree stand so tall,

Strong and splendid in all its worth?

By the roots that go down deep, my love,

To drink the water from the earth

And the ocean, my love, with all its breakers,

Where does it find its roar?

It’s by the might and strength of his hand

That controls the oceans floor

Our lives are growing and blooming

By tenderness and whispers of truth.

Under the light of God our Father,

I married the love of my youth

Our family, so strong and tall

Come wind, come heat or rain…

Like the tree, our roots go down deep

To drink from his well again and again

And like the mighty ocean

God controls our seasons and tides.

His majesty displayed in the waves,

The stillness, the swell… the deep and the wide…

All from the brilliant mind of God

A dream alive in His heart

And our love was given birth there too

He knew we were better together, than apart

-Mariya Manalli 9/08/2013

testimony from March 20

Jason shared at CIA's chapel today with junior highers and 12 healing miracles happened! He had the kids pray for one another so that they knew they could pray too and God can use them. Not just a "special guest speaker". What a way to start a day at school haha!

husband

My husband is so amazing. Many times I do not wait to see how things pan out and I doubt some of the things he does. What I've come to know about Jason is that he's secure in who he is in The Lord. I always ask if he's nervous when he has to step out and do things that to me require so much courage. And, of course, he's always fine! He approaches everything with a child like faith, totally believing in The Lord. I've been humbled many many times when I think he made the wrong decision and it turns out it ends up being someone's amazing break through. And God works it out that those people tell me before Jason. So then I'm like, "Oh he was totally right!!" I'm thankful for this heart that I get to navigate through life with.

dragons

don't care how anyone tries to justify it, we are made for community. we all need to be in a family. if you are alone, TELL SOMEONE. if you see someone that is alone, REACH OUT TO THEM. the epidemic of today is a people trying to be so self sufficient and needing people less and less, when in reality they are yearning for community but then don't know how to express it. this is called PRIDE. kill that stupid dragon...

family

"If you want to build something significant for the the Kingdom of God on earth, don't build a ministry, build a family." -Jeremy Riddle

8 year anniversery... my jason

8 years ago a beautiful man walked into the room and straight into my heart. 6 years ago I walked down the aisle to that beautiful man, my champion, and we became a family that day! His tenderness, openness and the strength that comes with it astounds me. With Jason, I am free to be
bring my best to our marriage because he constantly does the same. He loves so so so well.

to sum up in a quote:
"What was said to the rose that made it open was said to me here in my chest." 

6 years and 100 to go!!! I love you, Jason Gregory Manalli, with all my heart!

some thoughts on identity

some people believe that you cannot move outside of the permission of church leadership. it freezes them in their tracks and puts their dreams in a choke hold when relinquishing that much power to mere men. before you think i'm going on a bitter rant, know that i am a leader at a church.  i believe in accountability. but i am your sister, you are my brother (or sister) and church is the expression of a family in which the Lord is the head... one of the reasons why we call him PAPA! you want to know what you're capable of and what he is releasing you to do?? read the word and explore the impossibilities of Abba! he's called you to great things, to raise the dead, heal the sick, cast out demons, preach the gospel and be absolutely amazing, all for the purpose of bringing him glory! #intimacywithGod#freedom

jesus wept

i'm so moved by john 11:35, "jesus wept...." this was before he raised his friend lazarus. jesus KNEW he would raise him from the dead. yet he wept. the one who takes away the sin of the world. the one who is victorious over death... wept. my jesus feels... he sympathizes with us... he comes down to the lowly and loves so fiercely. he was not exempt of feelings and was not disturbed by emotion. he was victorious in the circumstance. but if i am to follow my jesus' example, it is that i can weep with those who weep, still knowing that the one who lives inside of me is the champion. my jesus wept.